the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
