I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
