Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
...so i touched it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
