yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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