I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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