You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
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I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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