I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
