Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
