She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need water and some morals
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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