i barfeds in our rink
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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