It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The best revenge is premature balding
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am available for nakedness
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
