My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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