Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
