Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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