Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
