five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
