i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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