I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
