I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
