My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
