So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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