That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
