No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
