smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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