I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
