ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
