I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
