But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
