I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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