talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
