The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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