so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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