Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
