if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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