i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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