When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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