Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
thus making me awesome and them whores
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
