I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
