all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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