Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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