physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
