The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
