when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
be right there i have to get my cape
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
