AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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