so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
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I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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