So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She told me I should be a condom model.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
