she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
