i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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