so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
