Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
