Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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