24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
