so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
