I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
