the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
