Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
