glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
