i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
