Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he thought i was a dude.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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