she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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