Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
