just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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