He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
