even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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