Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
