Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
