I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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